Citalopram Saved Me

ILLUSTRATION BY ADENIKE HASSAN

At this point, I said to my self, this chaos has become too much, it’s too heavy for me to carry, I can’t do this anymore!!!

I have someone I love and I want them to feel the love, so I ran to the doctor, please help me , save me, it’s getting too much, I can't bear this anymore.

That was how Citalopram and Therapy came into action,

My whole life changed, not completely, but bareable.

I was able to smile again, hang out with my family, eat on the dining with them again. Compare to before I had rot in my bed, room scattered and the thoughts of offing myself lingers just around the corner, saying to me. You can do this you know.

Stupid thought.

It got worse that one side of my body is inflamed due to only sleeping on that side in my depression rot.

Little by little I was getting myself together, but the thought of offing never leaves. We sleep, wake up, eat,toilet, walk, at this point we were doing everything together. It is such a heavy burden to carry around everyday. It was also strange when I asked a friend if this was the thought they had and they just couldn't relate.

Whewwww.

I had someone that claimed to love me but at the end, will I say incompatibility separated us, or as usual he became an hater. It was sad having someone that was suppose to love you become your enemy, this made my mental health progress crash, at the end I had to choose me and leave, the best decision ever.

Moving forward, It was hard having to deal with flash backs, panic attacks and my obsessive ocd symptoms, or almost on the verge of a manic episode when it gets really bad. Sometimes im in awe of how far I have come, because I sincerely thought I wouldn't make it this far.

Growing up I had an Adverse Childhood experiences that changed the trajectory of my life, which without medication would have a bad effect on me and would not be able to function properly. I'm so glad to have moved to the uk, and that has helped tremendously with understanding why I was in pain and getting proper help for my needs. I'm glad the world is getting more aware of what mental illness/health is and supporting people who need help.

Mental illness is very dear to me and I will always advocate and speak about it, because without sound mental health, all other part of your life would come crashing.

Please don't be ashamed of your struggles, get the help you need and try to surround your self with those that love and are willing to support you.

Lots of love💖, from a fellow Surv;vor,

You got this💪

I want to, use this opportunity to thank my family, friends and those who have consistently checked on me, you all made me realise I mattered and I am loved, and that alone has given me strength to carry one,

Thank you.💖💖💖